Thursday, September 23, 2010
The cocoon forms...
So I have begun my transformation into the man I was made to be. I forced myself to get up at a decent hour and begin completing the many tasks I have been putting off. So far I have managed to clear up my front yard quite nicely, I began dismantling a car that I am repairing, and I have planned out the rest of my week. Tomorrow will be another day of breaking down the barrier that has held me back for so long.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The soul has awakened.
After a day full of frustration I came to the realization that I am not meant to be this way. Even though the odds are against me on this, I find that I am unhappy with this situation. I spent the first half of my morning dwelling on how I could manage much better without the rest of the world. People in general tend to grind on me. As for today, it really was not anyone specifically. It was a compilation of words and actions that dug in to my aggression like a thorn in the bottom of your foot.
I finished my activities outside and still felt as though I wanted more. I needed more to do. I was unfulfilled. I was unfinished. I sought out different things I could test and taste to see if it was what I was seeking. I grabbed the weights from the front porch and brought them in for a few quick reps. That did not fill the void inside. I sat down and began to write an essay for an english class I am taking. I put on some head phones and cranked up a band I am currently interested in. Something I had not heard before rang out within the lyrics I was listening to.
"Be the man you were made to be."
Suddenly I felt as though that empty place within me had found some excitement. I immediately began to do an evaluation of my current situation and how it holds up to being the man I was made to be. Procrastination is accepting to finishing in last place. I have grown overweight and out of shape. My couple reps of a weight I was once more than capable of lifting taught me that. My mind has grown out of shape. I am going to school and interacting with new information, yet my mind does not feel exercised. Only bored. In the back of my mind I have been nudged to finish the truck I started fixing. Two birds with one stone.
I finished my essay. I am comfortable with how it turned out and confident it will reward me a good grade. Once I was done I resolved to be the man I was made to be. The man that my father would want me to be. No more excuses. No more complaining. Just do what must be done and do it well. With that last sentence I could feel strength swell in my arms. At the same moment I nearly felt tears surface. As if I was finally weeping for the loss of this self. Today is the beginning of me. Casey James Patrick Clark, the man I was made to be.
I finished my activities outside and still felt as though I wanted more. I needed more to do. I was unfulfilled. I was unfinished. I sought out different things I could test and taste to see if it was what I was seeking. I grabbed the weights from the front porch and brought them in for a few quick reps. That did not fill the void inside. I sat down and began to write an essay for an english class I am taking. I put on some head phones and cranked up a band I am currently interested in. Something I had not heard before rang out within the lyrics I was listening to.
"Be the man you were made to be."
Suddenly I felt as though that empty place within me had found some excitement. I immediately began to do an evaluation of my current situation and how it holds up to being the man I was made to be. Procrastination is accepting to finishing in last place. I have grown overweight and out of shape. My couple reps of a weight I was once more than capable of lifting taught me that. My mind has grown out of shape. I am going to school and interacting with new information, yet my mind does not feel exercised. Only bored. In the back of my mind I have been nudged to finish the truck I started fixing. Two birds with one stone.
I finished my essay. I am comfortable with how it turned out and confident it will reward me a good grade. Once I was done I resolved to be the man I was made to be. The man that my father would want me to be. No more excuses. No more complaining. Just do what must be done and do it well. With that last sentence I could feel strength swell in my arms. At the same moment I nearly felt tears surface. As if I was finally weeping for the loss of this self. Today is the beginning of me. Casey James Patrick Clark, the man I was made to be.
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